All for the LOVE of Baby. Learning to be Brave.

My horoscope last week mentioned that I would ' learn to be brave'. I never usually believe in these readings but 'brave' I sure have become. I don't think we truly know how much a baby can alter our thoughts until they're born. I remember thinking so many things while pregnant with my Baby A. Things like, I will not spoil him, never panic, cry during his vaccinations or smother him with possessiveness......the list is endless. If there's one thing I want to tell new moms, it's never to set up such silly expectations as they will be out the window as soon as baby comes along. Holding Baby A when he was born made me as 'fearful as hell'. No matter how much I read, all the stories I heard, nothing prepared me for those first scary moments. Was I holding him the right way? how would I change his nappy, or bathe him? (these questions have tripled every month). Panic had no bounds for the first few days. Every time he cried I felt my heart beat faster and whenever I figured out what his cries meant, the mommy in me jumped for joy. Its pretty simple actually because for those first few weeks they have very basic needs (eat, sleep and poo) and are unhappy when one of these isn't met. I never cried when he had his first vaccination but I am guilty of smothering him with a million kisses and hugs every day for I know these will not last forever. When he clings to me, I am mostly 'secretly' happy that he thinks the world of me and so I let him 'cling'. I have indeed become brave but only because there are  tougher days to come and I must steel myself for the day when he will turn his head away when I kiss him or push my hands aside if I try to hold him. At 15 months, I still tend to panic but have learnt to be a little more calm be it an illness, or nightmare, tantrum or keeps getting better everyday. So for today, as I smile and read my horoscope, I know there's a little truth to it.